As unfortunate as it may be, happy endings don’t always happen.
Maybe it’s Karma, maybe it’s cause i truly don’t deserve to be happy or maybe god wants me to renounce my ways and become a nun. who knows…
But Basically i’ve noticed my life now from the outside and its pretty darn pathetic.
I haven’t started my new job yet, so my days consist of flirting, my computer and the internet, my social life and parties, my mom and her issues…and this insatiable loneliness. i haven’t felt this lonely since i was 14.
when i was fat, and awkward, strange, ugly, and jus everything you can imagine ever hating about yourself- i was. Back then there wasn’t a single guy in the world who ever gave me the time of day.… anyways.. i haven’t felt this lonely since then.
Maybe i shouldn’t complain since i know very well that this time around, i’m attractive, intelligent, confident charismatic, and jus a completely different person than who i was and used to be.
but the one thing that still hasn’t changed is my status with “Romance.”
Such a Fickle piece of shit it is, Romance? Amour? are you fucking kidding me?
Cinderella had no problem landing a man and she fucking cleaned for a living, or what about sleeping beauty, bitch was asleep the entire fucking time… maybe it’s my own fault i can’t find someone i’m into or maybe its jus shit luck that when i like someone and realize i do… they realize they don’t feel the same.
ScumBAGS surround me.
These douches who all present this pretty picture of themselves in between my legs, and that we’re seeming happy.
But that is Incorrect, I don’t fantasize about how fucking big your dick is or how deep you can shove it.
however for some reason i feed into you’re illusion, because i stupidly think that maybe, jus maybe if you sleep with me and really see what i’m like that you’ll fall in love with me.
Again the unfortunate truth is that no amount of icing makes a shit cake not taste like shit.
and reality still states, you’re a douche bag, and i’m jus desperate for someone to give all this love i have to, who the fuck knows maybe it stems from not having a father figure in my life, or maybe i’m jus crazy and should go on meds.
**Oh Hello there stranger reading this pathetic blog of mine, how are you? care to fall in love with a girl who’s pickier than the princess and the pea? yeah i go through men like a billionaire looking for only the best bed to sleep in.
I’ll look at you, present myself, cuddle you and try you out. and if its jus not cutting it… bye..
Oh sorry did i offend you? i jus meant i date a lot.
But Honestly; Guys? There’s so many of them: different shapes, sizes, colours, and personalities. But i’ve never been one to be entirely shallow when hunting for a love, I mean yes initial attraction must be in place before we begin, but i mean, hey; i’ve been with some pretty Gorgeous men, and i’ve left them easier than a dead beat dad, its not your face, or your body that keeps me around, it’s whats behind your face and in your head that i look for: Honest, genuine, motivated, confident, smart, and who has a heart in his chest that theoretically expands way passed his self and beyond the stars. I want his love to be warm, and inviting. rather than pushy, and obnoxious.
i know somewhere there’s somebody real like that, maybe even more than jus one…. and if He and I are lucky enough to meet one day, i promise that no other emotion will compare to the utter happiness and self assurance i’ll be graced with immediately after the encounter. Maybe i’ve already met him, and maybe his heart already belongs to another.
But I will sit here and complain till the cows come home about wanting to find someone to love.
and Even if you think i’m stupid for wanting to rush something like that. jus realize that this search may very well be the only reason i’m still breathing.
and That i believe Love, is the only meaning for living, cause without it, why the fuck would i be here writing this to all the idiots that don’t realize how amazing i think i’d be for them…
like i said maybe it’s karma…. but i mean i think i’m an amazing person, who jus wants that one guy to notice.