lookin’ like hell, i be sitting on a shelf; like a dolly yall don’t know me. so don’t gimme any trouble, don’t be tryna burst my bubble, imma smash you, kill and stash you, baby you’ve never looked so damn humble.
you little twit, its become quite apparent by your recent actions and statements that you're obviously looking for drama and a fight where none was meant to be apparent. so I'm giving you an offer; either back the fuck off my girlfriend, leave her the fuck alone, and stop thinking your stupid pathetic ass has any reason that validates the sort of drama you are attempting to cause, or I'm going to personally make sure you do not find a single ounce of happiness inside of this city. and believe me, i do have the ability to make it possible. rethink and reassess your motivations before this becomes even bigger than it already has. Seriously, is your life so void of any form of entertainment that you have to start pathetic facebook beef? OH WAIT! I must remember i am talking to the girl who fucking bawled her eyes out over youtube about "the scene" seriously, grow up and realize that the world isn't as small as you obviously believe it is. I've met 14 year-olds with more of a maturity level than you.
Twit? my darling take a deeper look into a mirror.
How Cute, Threats are being made now huh? My darling i say bring it on. Nothing would do me more pleasure than to see what a pathetic soulless Ginger would do to me, that hasn't been done. I wish i could spit in your face and laugh.
as for maturity; YOU sticking your nose in a comment that i made about Zee's lack of maturity talking about LSD on facebook just to state some form of concern towards Zee, Shows how much you know about maturity. YOU my friend made it what it is now. and when i say i know zee, i mean i know all the people who have been with Zee. and your just another person I believe she's either gonna cheat on, use, or gain social standing with.
and darling what's between me and your gf should stay between me and your gf, You had no right, or any part of what "drama" we have or had. I didn't start any shit. I just stated my opinion. and like i said your big mouth started the drama, cause you decided to mention Youtube, which i consider a low pathetic blow, so i being me, thought hey, i don't know him i don't have anything against him, so lets also counter with a low blow and mention your gf.
and jus an FYI,
my boyfriend knows alotta people too, in fact i know just as many people if not more, who would find this little threat of yours rather enticing, Here, I'll make you an Offer, Stop Starting drama on facebook defending your gf, she's a big girl and can take care of herself, and will earn lots of respect from me when she says every single last word she typed on my wall to my face.
Your girl knows what i'm capable of if i'm not approached, I would appreciate if she grew up, got some balls and stood up for herself and told her "Ginger Bread Boy toy" to get outta the milk cause he's getting soggy.
Have a wonderful evening, read over what i jus wrote, and realize that i started no drama, But you on the other hand should really mind his own business and should only speak when spoken too.
excuse me? you are the one who is tossing out threats of fighting her, i being a good boyfriend am merely trying to defend her, and due to you're quite apparent need to have everything revolve around you, you couldn't just take a comment and drop it, it was none of your business either what shes saying on her facebook. so i may need to mature a little, but you need to mature quite a bit.
and for two, i'm not a ginger, learn hair colors a little better sweetheart.
and for three, did i once mention knowing people? no.
sweetheart, learn to read a proper sentence before attempting to message me back, because i never would mention "knowing people" if my "people" had a problem, i wouldn't have to say anything. they'd already be on your doorstep.
ANDDDD just for the record, i have no care for you, nor any sort of care for any interaction you may have with anyone, all i want and all ill ever want is for you to back the fuck up and know your role.
….. huh? i never said anything about fighting her, dumb shit look over the msg i sent her and STFU for the night cause your just babbling on like an idiot. and if you think your a fucking man, and you think your mature think about how "mature you are" threatening a women.
i rest my case,
so don't bother replying cause i'm over it.
then you better tell your friends to stop saying things that are untrue as "fernanda" or whatever the fuck her name is thinks otherwise.
and look how mature you are thinking there is a difference between male and female, equality means the good and the bad sweetheart.
and i never threatened your life, merely your social standing and your ability to have a life without constantly being made fun of.
well thats not true. you should take that up with nanda, since your such a great boyfrand ;P
i'd really stop with the sarcasm if i we're you.
LOL i can't i'm too good at it, and I'm being honest i don't wanna fight Zee, Fighting in this weather is too gross, unless it was a water gun fight then i'd school her. jus saying, I'm prettty Pro xD
Good then if you're not fighting her problem solved.
Now we can both move on with our lives and forget this senseless nonesense.
why can’t i have a boyfriend who isn’t trouble, or drama, or angry.
why can’t i just find a guy who’s relatively good looking has a life equivalence that of my own: ya know likes to draw, listen to music, smoke weed and have fun.
why can’t i find someone who’s gonna make me better myself, not teach me what its like to be a mom.
i wish you would just grow up and stop running from everything and face things head on, and tell the truth. i’m not gonna wait here for your life to get better. i’ll be your friend but i’m not gonna let my heart be abused like this. it’s not fair to me. and You Know It.
Were the last three people you kissed virgins? one was.
Can you name every single person you have kissed? …. hahaha I wish.
What’s the number one thing you want in life right now? To either get a record deal or a chance to be an actress
Are you excited about anything? the likely hood of being in a music video :P
The last person you kissed went and got a girlfriend, what would you do? nothing? lets just say i’ve learned my lesson
You’re stuck in an elevator with the person you were last in a relationship with, what happens? he’d prolly be dead in 10 minutes
Who would be the first person to know if you got pregnant? Trina she’ll punch me in the stomach if i ask her too xD
Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? i guess so, he’s my bf, what am i gonna say? No You Smell?
Do you tend to have a lot of drama in your life? sometimes, depending on who’s pissing me off.
Do you cry a lot or hardly ever? once in a blue moon when its needed.
Who do you go to with your problems? Trina <3
Have you fixed things with anyone recently? actually yes, and It feels Great <3
Is it easy for you to accept loss? not really but i tend to try.
Ever kissed a green-eyed person? :D Yes, their my favourite
Can you fit your hand around your wrist? mostly my thumb wraps over my first joint on my middle finger.
When you hear the name “ginger” what do you think of? jason, or sarah :P
Are you doing anything this weekend? omg yes.
Last time you had butterflies in your stomach? this sunday :)
Would you rather go to a party or out of town? Party <3 but if there’s a party out of town i’m down too
Could you go the rest of your life without doing any drugs? Maybe, if i wasn’t friends with the amazing people i know.
Have you kissed anyone in 2010 that actually meant something to you? yes..
Is there someone you’d like to hug right now? Kenny <3
Do you think pot will eventually get legalized? I’d Fucking hope so :P
If you were caught cheating, would you fess up? no, i’d say it was my evil twin… is that a question?
Are you attracted to the last person that kissed you? Yes.
Something you really want right now? i’m not sure but i feel like i do.
What were you doing an hour ago? talking to my mom.
Do you ever apologize first? depends.
Is there someone you wish you were still close with? yea a few, but i’m over it.
Are you wearing any perfume or cologne? Yes, Princess by vera wang
What hoodie did you wear last? my custom black american apparel sweater with my Jinx Logo on the lower back
What’s the weather like outside? Hot, Humid, and Just Gross.
Do you have your belly button peirced? Had.
Do you currently have a hickey? Never again. least not some place anyone can see
Are you planning on watching New Moon? I’ve seen it, it wasn’t that bad.
How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? i dunno hopefully in my late twenties
Does anyone completely understand you? lol I wish, i don’t think thats entirely possible unless they try hard enough.
Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes? naw, but all in moderation.
Are you easy to get along with? very much so :)
Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? actuallky she’s not the last person i spoke too but i do dislike her, Zee.
Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced? i have snake bites.
Who was the last person to yell at you? Mom… for smoking weed in the house.
How’s your heart? it could be better.
You are getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up, what do you do? we’d prolly spend the night on the roof, or i’d stay up with him until my mom leaves then sleep through the day.
Do you think its cute when someone kisses your forehead? yeah :)
How often do you hold back what you want to say? almost never, however there are times when i’m just not in the mood.
Do you trust your gut instinct? most of the time.
Is your hair naturally straight? kinda its wavey and my tips curl
Is your heart broken? Define broken?
What are you wearing right now? a Bra, and Boxers… I’m telling you It’s YUKKIE OUT.
Do you ever wish you were famous? i kinda am, its not really a big deal tho.
What is on your mind? Surfing <3
What is the date today? May 27th.
What are you listening to right now? Not a Love Song - Uh huh Her.
Is this year the best year of your life? i dunno yet i doesn’t feel like its really started yet
You see a shooting star, do you make a wish? obviously, doesn’t everybody?
What’s irritating you right now? It’s TOO HOT!
Do you wish at 11:11? if i’m awake. or remember
If you were to die today, would your life be complete? r u dumb?
What’s your last bruise from? I got punched on the arm by a meth head.
Do you find it easier to forgive or forget? i try to forgive but i never forget.
Would you ever stay with someone just because you didn’t want to break their heart? That’s hard to say, I’ve been trapped in these situations quite often.i hate breaking hearts.
What are you craving right now? strawberries
Are you happy right now? s’pose
Have you ever crawled through a window? too many times to count.
Would you go in public looking like you do right now? lol yeah ;P
Is there anyone you know that deserves to get slapped? Lots.
When is your next visit to the doctor? in 2 months
Are you in any kind of pain right now? not at all.
What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? My boyfriend showed up topless and sweaty lol
What’s on your bedroom floor right now? lots of stuff.
Are you close with your mom? very much so.
Are your parents strict? not really, she has her moments
Name one fear you have: getting hurt(emotionally)
Who are you more like your mom or your dad? mom.
When in a car and you’re at a stop light or something, do you look at people around you? umm.. yeah.. but don’t tell them that they’ll think i’m a stalker.
Would you stand up for someone? Always.
Have you ever gotten a sunburn so bad it hurt to move? omg. lets not even talk about it.
Has anyone ever hung up on you? … yeah, i don’t necessarily like it tho.
Have you ever paid for something in all change? yeaah my Groovy girl when i was 10, she was $20 dollars i paid it all in pennys :P
Have you ever slipped and fallen on ice? yes… and everyone laughed at me.
What are you doing this very second? ending this crap, then i’m prolly gonna surf the web :P
15 More days till i go to portugal, and I’m sooo fricken excited to see my family and friends, i can already here the waves calling me to shred <3
i’ve been brushing up on my portuguese with my mom so i can be more or less fluent with family since i understand and i’m good with copying their grammar and Mom said i’m well on my way to perfect speech and told me i’ve improved this past 2 weeks and sure enough won’t make myself look stupid too often while talking to family & friends and whomever i meet :P which is usually “a lot” of people haha and looks like i’m gonna be hanging out with a few Portuguese fans of my youtube vids too haha hella cool if you ask me xD
Yeah, its kinda weird, and I don’t wanna be mean saying hey, ya know we used to talk alot when i was 15 and i used to confide in you, but then i didn’t need you anymore? and we lost touch and you come around again trying to act as though we’re such close friends and we’re just not anymore.
you also have a creepy tendency to tell me i’m attractive and expect me to say the same about you, which i can’t cause i never found you appealing to me in that way.
so i blocked and deleted you off facebook, to avoid looking like a bitch and saying i didn’t really wanna talk to you anymore… than you go so far as to find my Tumblr and ask me where i went and tell me how hard i was to find, and not only just one msg but 4… again… kinda creepy.
I chose to not reply and just block and delete you once again…
If you do read this which i’m sure you’ll find a way too; we just don’t connect anymore.
I don’t talk about my problems with people whom i consider strangers. i talk about my emotions and what i’m going through but i can’t confide in someone who doesn’t really know me anymore.
And i’m sorry i deleted you, i just started feeling uncomfortable, and i’ve also deleted quite a few more people whom i also don’t speak too anymore.
I hope you understand and leave me alone. i just don’t really see a reason to keep in touch with you anymore?
So I finally figured out how to contact you on here. I felt like a stalker reading your tumblr all the time and not talking to you. I really hope that everything starts to work out for you, from your last diary post. I'm sure things will get better someday, just takes time you know?
Thanks, yeah i hope so too… things have never been easy and everyone i know just doesn’t know and i think i wanna start letting people in and letting them know how I feel. and Thanks again, Really <3
never be sorry about how you feel.
and if people can't handle you when you're sad, they don't deserve any of the good you can do for them, you know?
sometimes people unfollow me because i post stuuuuupid inside jokes between me and my friend and they followed me because they saw my photography.
that is why i love tumblr, though.
one moment i'm showing off my work, the next i'm joking with a friend.
yea thats why i love it too, My Friend Elle, got me into it and its so great to actually express how i feel and have people actually read it unlike facebook. i had 80 notes and no one ever read any of them at least here i have people like you and elle reading my stuff and understanding who i am <3 Thanks Again really <3
-I know i don’t sleep, i have no life all i do is facebook, youtube and tumblr all night long to avoid the boredom there is in waiting for the day to end.
i know i shouldn’t,
i know its bad but i can’t help it.. i even go on late night strolls through my neighbourhood to avoid sitting all night… I’m just so bored. with everything.
even with Life… i don’t have a job see, and i’ve been trying real hard to find one befor i go on vacation for 2 weeks on the eleventh and its just soo fucking hard…
my boyfriend kinda helps but sometimes he’s just as boring as my life itself.
sometimes I wish i wasn’t me. and i’d hope all the time to wake up and be some other girl, maybe one who substantially wealthy and in Mommy and Daddy work, or Jus Daddy and mommy’s a cool home mom, and i’m thin, and Pretty and i have a perfect gorgeous boyfriend and every things just perfect.… but it’s not. it never comes true…
My mom’s still my mommy and daddy, were still not substantially wealthy.. Mommy works too hard and too much and is basically breaking with all her aches and pains. I’m not thin an pretty, and i don’t have a perfect boyfriend and things are less than perfect all the time.
so many others just have it all.. and i just wish i knew what happened, what did i do or my mom or whoever did to make my life like this?
They say prey to God, and he’ll listen.. I preyed to him my whole life until i was 10. i was a little Fat kid, getting bullied everyday at school for being different, strange, and poor. and god never did shit except fuck up every suicide attempt i made when i was 13 to 16… why am i supposed to live if i’m never happy?
Sure i smile, sure i’ll cheer you up, but you have no idea how fucking low i feel everyday of my life. i try to occupy my time, i even pretend nothings wrong and i’m jus content with life… well i’m not. i kinda wish i was dead everyday so i wouldn’t have to deal with most of the bullshit that falls in my lap.
Everyones stupid and judgemental and ridiculous and irrational; and i live with them.
these custom purple walls in my bedroom covered with subway ads, random art and flags i see this room everyday.. i was gone one night and when i opened my door i could smell my must natural odour of my flesh and soap as i walk in, and collapse on my bed and hug my comforter as 2 fans blow at me making me cool, and hot and the same time…
Every day feels like a constant lie… just another day i wish i could sleep through and just forget i exist.
I’m rambling cause nobody knows or cares that
YES I TOO AM NOT ALWAYS OPTIMISTIC.
but i just need to write how i’m feeling in hopes someone will read it and understand and see me for who i am and not this carbon image i seem to project making myself look as tho i’m the strongest girl they know… cause i’m not.
My stomach is empty and i’m contemplating munching on cookies but the last thing on my mind is getting fat. i don’t want my inactive depressive faze to fuck with my 3 years of hard work, so i’m gonna sit and starve till i decide i’m ready to sleep off the day
Time Now: 3:32am
I fucking hate this place, where i live: ugly ass apartment building full of “arabs, and the scary looking black people, and ghetto white trash, and very few but some spanish people…” i honestly hate this place with a passion except for its location. being in the middle of a major intersection helps when it comes to escaping this hell hole.
I’ve always wanted to live in a house. that dream came tru when i was 12 and we moved to Margaretta St. in the Dufferin area in Toronto, we live on the second story of a Duplex, the floors were made of wood, we had real Glass tile in the kitchen forming a checker board in black and white tiles, are washroom was small but cute, and green with a window which i’ve always wanted… my mothers room was also quite small, but it was perfect for her stuff. the living room was big and bright with a balcony and windows… then there was my room, up a small little stair case i walk up to find a Beautiful attic bedroom with one large window peering over my street, i loved that house; our my home with all my heart… 7 months later we had to move… my mom lost her job and we couldn’t afford living there.
so then my mom got a job as a superintendent at a seniors condo building in Markham the town.. it was pretty nice too, Huge living room and bedrooms and kitchen, 2 washrooms 1 in each bedroom and a laundry room. it was also beautiful and we had central air conditioning… but then a year and 2 months later, a new guy got my mom fired to get cheaper workers in the building… then we had 7 days to pack and leave. and it was soo hard especially for my mom, when we had no place to go… but in the last minute a fried provided this shit hole i’m living in now.
Why us? Why did all this happen to us? i’d ask god everyday and get absolutely no answer. just this sinking feeling thinking there is no God. and how could he have done this to us? ruined our lives? made my dad leave and make my mother have to work so hard to support us… and then look what i go and do.. i lose my job making my mom have to work extra hard to help me out. and i fucking Hate it…
every things jus soo hard and it never gets easy… that drunk guy at the park wasn’t kidding.. yet my life hasn’t been easy since i slipped out of my moms uterus and landed in the doctors arms covered in blood and amniotic fluid.
My boyfriend doesn’t think of me, doesn’t smoke weed, doesn’t like to party and judges others for doing what they wanna do even if he thinks it stupid and is 2 years younger than me and acts like he’s so wise and smart when he’s immature 60% of the time.
My friends come and go when they need me and complain that i’m not there when they need me but don’t bother to call and expect me to just know when and what to do.
My Mom works too hard and i wish i could just help her stop and help support her and help paying for where we live… but i can’t..
school, I’m just hoping i can get in for art and just forget life and produce art.
I’m not amazing, or brave or smart. I’m just who i grew up becoming.
i’m a loser, i’m scared, and i don’t try… i give up when things get hard, i leave everything up to choice. and when i’m scared i run.
i’ve had my heart broken, my trust altered, and my tears wiped.
and i’m just here now standing and waiting for lifes truck to run over me.
I’m sorry if you read all this and feel like you’re times been wasted.
i’m sorry i just showed you i’m not who you think i am. and i’m sorry i didn’t show you sooner.
This song makes me want to have sex so bad. I’m not sure what it is about it. But it makes me want to sit you down, throw my legs on either side of you and kiss and push myself up and down against you, progressively shedding our clothes, dancing on your lap. And just pushing your body down against a bed and having my way with you, my hair flowing down one shoulder, head above yours, arms holding me higher above your gorgeous frame, moving to the steady beat.
No kidding… What you just wrote made me wanna have sex lol
You and I had a moment long ago of acknowledgement where we realized their was another half out there waiting to be found and connected.
you and i thought we were each others halves but i was friends with your friends, and you didn’t want “us” becoming public if it didn’t work out.
after a fight with my significant other i decided to corner you, about our silent disconnection.
I asked you why we had stopped and i demanded you tell me the truth…
then you spoke to me… for the first time in months, a message i sent you wasn’t replied with utter depicted silence, and you told me why you had stopped, and how you weren’t happy about letting me go but you did for the sake of your privacy which was important to you.
i understood the matters and still chose to press forward to see your reaction
i told you that it was fine and that if things didn’t work out between me and “him” i wouldn’t consider you one to recharge emotions with. and thats when you said no. and told me you still wanted me and to consider you up for the challenge. and would be there for me if i needed anyone to let out too. and i’m glad. cause i missed you, i missed out talks.
You asked me if i ever wanted to hang out, and i asked you if you still had my number and to just call. you said yes and will do
and you ended that note with a I’m glad we talked, i missed you, Good night <3